Random facts about Montenegro

random facts about Montenegro_20170302

Ever heard of Montenegro? Tourism there is on the rise, turning the country into an unexplored jewel on the Adriatic, but what are the dark secrets they don’t want you to know?

Montenegro is a small ex Yugoslav country in the Adriatic coast of the Balkan peninsula, bordering Albania, Croatia and Serbia. It gained independence from the remnants of Yugoslavia in 2006, and is ever since trying to exploit its touristic potential and attract more foreign tourists. It is resulting in more and more world known media coverage of the area, thus trying real hard to produce anything authentic.

Resultingly, that attempt entails lots of fake data. Let’s go through some hard core facts Montenegrins would rather keep for themselves.

Random facts about Montenegro Montenegrins do not want you to know

Before we start, remember the list is not extensive. It may get more bullets in time, in which case all following articles will contain sequel numbers.

The population

Get ready for a shock immediately: the entire population of Montenegro, according to 2011 census, is somewhere around 620 thousand people, with estimates that the numbers go as high as 622 thousand in 2015. WOW, 2 thousand people, what a high number! Not what one would expect from a country, knowing there are cities with the population 10 times higher than that. Population density is 45 people on 1 square kilometre. That’s quite not-dense, right…

Well, where’s the rest of population? In Serbia! Mainly in Belgrade and Novi Sad, holding high positions in private companies and firms (ever wondered why so many companies are going bankrupt?), but many towns in Vojvodina are also mostly inhabited by Montenegrins. Fact is, they will always have a thing for Belgrade because it’s BELGRADE and flee there any time of day or night.

The language

Since its independence in 2006, Montenegro is trying real hard to cover up the fact they’re not a real country by faking data on a non-existent language they presumably speak.

Last summer, actually some time around September, when school year was starting, Facebook was flooded by posts of desperate parents, whining about school books in an unintelligible language, vastly documented by photos of literacy books standardising some puzzling symbols as letters, additionally claiming they themselves cannot read the text, let alone the kids who should be taught to read those newly invented characters.

To make things even foggier, there is a style guide (Pravopis in their language, whatever that may be) on Montenegrin language, published in 2009, written by, watch this: non-Montenegrins. A simple fact that caused this: at the time when older people from Montenegro attended schools and universities, they were taught Serb(ocroat)ian was their mother tongue, thus they speak Serbian now, even though they call it Montenegrin. Additionally, lazy as they are, Montenegrins never had any renowned linguists, thus they had no experts to write the Pravopis when the politicians demanded it. “Foreign” experts jumped in to save the day and fake orthography rules, the same as in Croatia.

One interesting fact about the Slavs: Montenegro, Croatia, Serbia, Bosnia, with slight alterations in Macedonia, ALL SPEAK THE SAME LANGUAGE but call them differently in a desperate attempt to prove the world they are separate nations, although they started dissipating during the last century. They will perfectly understand each other no matter how they call their language, as it is, after all, one and the same language.

Gender equality

Although there are catwalk models coming from Montenegro, a devastating fact is: Montenegro is still in its middle ages when it comes to gender equality. Men still hold all positions of importance in all areas of life, which is a consequence of their inborn belief, further purported by their raising, that women are inferior to men, and that only men know and can do things.

If you seek emancipation, skip this banana country and head Africa – there at least you know you won’t find any equality.

Pollution

Montenegro is a country of astounding landscapes and exquisite natural beauty. It’s a jewel in which you could go skiing in minus temperatures and swim in the sea, with temperatures of 40+ Celsius degrees on the coast, within the same day.

Unfortunately, as expeditious as they are, Montenegrins are not capable of preserving the natural habitat they were granted by Mother Nature. It’s quite normal to see human (or animal?) poop floating in the best beaches; for water to be all muddy and oozy during the peak season; to see waste scattered on the river coasts (especially Tara and Lim) with scavengers feeding on them; and not to have drinking water supplies in the small-size hotels during any time of the year.

LGBT population

One of the issues that causes heated debate in Montenegro is gay pride. There were some attempts to have the prides in autumn, but the clumsy attempts caused riots and life threatening situations on the streets in Podgorica several years ago, a lot worse than in Belgrade towards the end of 2010s.

It’s the mentality of the conservative society which will, quite possibly, never change. Imagine the Pope publicly admitting he’s gay. That’s the level.

Political affairs

One specific trait of the Balkans are the shit politicians they are somehow more and more persistent in electing. The previous president of Montenegro is a separatist whose greatest achievement in life was independence of Montenegro so he could fill his pockets with side effects of the nationalistic idiots who support him.

A couple of years ago a story appeared online about him being the main money source for his nephew to build a luxury complex on the coast with the aim of ripping the foreigners off, as the property’s market value goes as high as several million euros per house.

A fun fact: the luxury complex boasts its exquisiteness, aiming for the rich foreigners such as Nathaniel Rotschild or Roman Abramovich, but what an architect must have slipped out of his mind is that such big names wish for PRIVACY. What they will be offered instead is a peek into their first neighbour’s bedroom, as there is about 3 metres distance between the “villas”.

Luxury complexes on the coast

Thanks to some unusual economic turnabouts, almost the entire coast was sold to Russian tycoons during the last decade. I guess they somehow managed tricking the Russians into believing the coast was an unexploited jewel just waiting to be turned into a gold mine, so they fell for it and bought whatever they could. After they started frequenting the country and realised they were fooled, many properties on the coast are now owned by them but remain desolate.

Of course, Montenegrins will NEVER admit selling the country out, but will try convincing you they are the greatest patriots the world has ever seen.

Bureaucracy conundrums

Many of you reading this have never even visited a bureaucracy counter to get a birth certificate, as we all live in civilised world where such documents can be ordered and received online – nor do we ever need these papers. But bureaucracy in Montenegro, the entire Balkans in fact, should be named a new discipline for the World book of records.

There’s even a joke: FT1P diagnosis. FT1P stands for “fali ti jedan papir” in their whatever-language, “one paper missing” in English. That’s what a public service officer will tell you when they have no desire whatsoever to help you solve the problem you need, and will always be particularly annoyed by your sole existence and turning to their counter of all the other counters you could have gone to…

Mind you, they never want to help you and believe you are there so they could have the job, not vice versa.

Oh, what a lovely world that must be…

IT literacy

Forget about it. Just forget about it. Return to the area in 50 years, maybe that’s when a change might be in process. Until then, Montenegrins can boast the average number of 7.5 mobile subscriptions per inhabitant. They do not know what a blog is, will tell you bold text is an internal link, will change their website passwords so nobody could access it and forget the password, so if you’re maintaining the website you’ll have to hack it regularly, will pay a foreign country company tens of thousands of euros to make them a website and get a crap – as they know nothing about it, they will hire an SEO agency to rank their website in SERP and neglect all your advice and accuse you of not doing what they pay you for as their website not only doesn’t improve its ranking but is also deteriorating.

Now, do you really want to pay them a visit?

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