Many would disagree. They’d say, hey, girl, cheer up, there’s nothing to worry about. Cheer up, you’ve got this beautiful life and things are going to work out just fine in the end.
We all go through rough patches sometimes, and regardless of what we do, they all go away sooner or later. I’d gladly switch my places with you. Look, you’ve got this great job; you’re saving up all that money by staying with your parents at the moment; you have a great future ahead of you. Just don’t give up. Keep doing what you are doing, and things are gonna turn out just fine.
But what they don’t know is what they don’t see. What they don’t see is how it all feels in your head, because that’s where the party is. And that’s where it hurts the most.
And if anybody could see it, they wouldn’t like it. They wouldn’t like it at all.
It’s like all your life you’ve building something that just falls into pieces in a second. Not by your choice. Maybe you’ve played the wrong cards, maybe you’ve put all your eggs into one basket, maybe you’ve fallen for the wrong guy and have been hoping for him to come back to you for far too long. Maybe you’ve just been at the wrong place at the wrong time, and maybe it just wasn’t your fault. Maybe there are things you can’t control.
Just wasting what seem be to your best years onto – what? Sitting in front of a screen, binge watching teen soaps from 30 years ago? No life, no friends, no sports, no interest in ever leaving your room again. Seems awkward living in the same house with your parents without even seeing them for real. Never wanting to leave your bubble.
So the obsessions start creeping in. It’s not like you haven’t had such moments before, but now… They seem to stick for longer. This time, the obsession is allowing you to brainwash yourself into getting annoyed with what’s going on in the lives of imaginary people, a TV show. You see others putting the puzzle of their lives together, and you seem to lag behind. As if you’ve just been kicked out of a moving train in the middle of nowhere, not knowing why, nor why, nor WHY. What have you done to make this happen to yourself? You can’t even have a few days off without a plan – and if you do, it seems as if the universe has a conspiracy against you.
While on your own, on days like this you could allow yourself not to get up from the bed the whole day if you wanted to, when you felt that way.
Like this, every day is the same, and every weekend is no different. It’s like a perpetual Groundhog day, only without the happy endings. Because happy endings seem to exist only in movies. Or they happen to other people. Just not you.
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